How to Get Your Ex Back After Betrayal

To make an obvious understatement, relationships are hard. Sometimes you start to grow apart, not due to the lack of love but as a result of being complacent. Your relationship can be negatively impacted by external factors– financial implications, familial expectations, and various obligations.

That’s when betrayals happen.

It can be hard to imagine that when a betrayal occurs, you might be the one causing it. How can you fix things once they are broken? Here are a few things to consider when trying to get your ex back after betraying them.

Sincere Apologies

It doesn’t matter how many times you apologize if you aren’t entirely sincere. That means apologizing because you truly feel bad for hurting your significant other, not because you’re feeling sorry for the backlash the event has had on your own life.

Before you apologize, think long and hard about why you are sorry. Are you sorry that you’ve hurt that person? Are you willing to take responsibility for the time leading up to the betrayal? Is your apology going to turn into an “it would never have happened if you hadn’t done this” situation or are you willing to focus on the wrongs you have done?

This aspect of apologizing can be extremely challenging, as relationship breakdowns leading to betrayal are often the fault of both parties. However, the blame game will get you nowhere. Own up to your negative impact on the situation with a focus on the hurt you’ve caused your other half.

Actions Over Words

After a fight or a break-up, it can be easy to fall into a vicious cycle. You get over the current situation without addressing the underlying issue. So while you say things have changed, your actions might indicate otherwise.

After you apologize, you need to prove your words through actions. This is how you show that you’re in for the long-haul. Your ex may not believe you for some time after the betrayal, meaning you will have to continue to prove your dedication to this change. Don’t say things have changed, show it.

Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

This tidbit of advice can be applied to any aspect of your life. Work, family relationships, self-exploration, you name it. As humans, we are conditioned to listen with the intent of adding our feedback rather than taking the time to truly understand what someone else is saying. By practicing active listening, we can learn how to correct our mistakes.

Listen to your ex’s concerns. Even if you feel defensive and even if you feel as though what they’re saying is skewed by their perceptions of the situation. Your role here isn’t to respond; it’s to understand. Take whatever is said with you and process it for a couple of days without making contact. Really think about what your ex has said. When you’re calm and ready, respond meaningfully, without diminishing the other person’s thoughts or feelings.

Know When to Call it

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, too much damage is done. At this point, you need to walk away before you make things worse for your ex or yourself. There is always a chance that with time and distance, things will change.

By reconciling with an ex, you are vowing to make a change so that you never repeat your betrayal. By reconciling with you, your significant other is agreeing to let bygones be bygones. While the situation is rarely a case of forgive and forget, you are agreeing to move past it and work toward a better future. If you are unable to move past it and continuously bring it up, then it is time you call a spade a spade. At the end of the day, self-care is still important.

As the experts at say, there are some cases in which breaking up can be the wrong decision. Don’t let a moment of weakness become the biggest mistake of your life.