Online Dating: How to write the perfect first message

The best way to be noticed by a girl you like in any online dating site – be it European, American, or Filipino dating websites – is to send an impressive first message. This is very crucial – do it right and you may just be sparking a new relationship, but do it wrong and you lose all chances of even having a conversation with your virtual crush.

Sending the perfect first message sounds so easy, but a lot of men actually fail in this task. Some come off too strong and seem like they are selling themselves too hard at a bargain sale. Others are too lazy and think they can get away with a simple “hey sexy.” Unfortunately, all these scare off your potential partners.

So, how exactly do you craft the perfect first message? Here are some points that you should consider:

Find the right women to send messages to.

There are tons of fish in the online dating world, but that does not mean you should send a message to all of them. Be wise in choosing the women you want to send a message to because this will make it easier for you and will prevent you from wasting your time.

Remember that there is nothing wrong with judging by a profile picture and profile details. If you don’t feel like you are interested in this person or that, move on to the next profile. When you have finally stumbled upon someone that made your heart flutter a little bit, it’s time to man up and send a message.

Do some research.

Don’t just click open a certain profile and send a random message. Read the information written on her page! This is your key to knowing what topics you can talk about together. Use the details on the page to start a conversation. It will make chatting less awkward for you.

Find common interests and use it as your ammo.

As you read through the profile, find some common interests between the two of you and focus your message there. Does she like listening to rock music? Ask her what she thinks of the new band that you stumbled upon. Does she like gardening? Ask her what kind of flowers survive in her backyard and how you can copy her techniques.

When you have finally thought this through, you are finally ready to compose your message.

When you write, start with an unusual greeting.

It can be very tempting to go with basic salutations so you wouldn’t have to think of new and unique greetings. Unfortunately, a simple hi or hello just doesn’t work anymore. Studies show that these conventional salutations will only give you a 24% – 30% chance of getting noticed.

Instead, go for unusual greetings like “yo,” “what’s up,” “hola,” or “how’s it going.” This will guarantee that your message will be different from all others from the very first line. It will spark her curiosity, and she will definitely go on reading.

Skip the shallow compliments.

Sure, a compliment thrown your way can be flattering sometimes. But, when you use it as a way to open up a conversation with a person, you may get negative reactions. Who wants to see “You have a pretty face” or “You have nice eyes” in their inbox? It is scary, so don’t be shocked if you don’t get a reply when you send these, even if your intentions are good.

Rather than saying something about a person’s looks and how she dresses, opt to say something about her interests.  This is a surefire way of letting her know that you are genuinely interested in her and that you are not just playing games on the online dating site.

Open up a conversation using what you found out in your research.

The things that you write on your message should be things that could keep a conversation going for a long time. Avoid questions like “What’s up?”, or “How are you?” since these lines have a tendency to fall into themselves. Take this for example:

You: Hey, how are you?

Her: I’m good. You?

You: I’m good, too.

You see what happened there? This conversation stumbled onto dead air after a very short exchange of replies. The best thing to do is to write a message that will help you keep the momentum of your chat, like this:

Hey, Jane, what’s up?

I just saw your recipe for chicken strudel. It seems amazing! Is it yours or did you find it somewhere? I like to cook and I was wondering about what other recipes you might have? We could exchange notes. I have some recipes of my own.


A message like that can definitely go a long way. Plus, John was able to point out a common interest which he and Jane can bond over. It won’t be surprising if these two will be able to build a relationship or at least become very good friends.

Don’t include any unnecessary personal information.

If you take a look at John’s example, you’ll see that he did not include unnecessary facts like his age, job, birthplace, and hobbies. That is the right thing to do.

Some people get carried away and seem to create a condensed version of their profile on their first message. Remember, you are not applying for a job, you are getting to know someone. If you create an interesting first message, the receiver will click on your profile and look at these details herself. So, don’t feel too pressured to introduce yourself.

If you can, insert a bit of humor.

Who doesn’t like laughing? No one! Including jokes or witty phrases in your messages instantly make you a person that the girl will remember. Of course, you will get a reply. However, you have to be careful as you do this because unamusing jokes might make the receiver ignore you.

Keep your jokes simple and limit them. If you can’t think of a funny phrase that is appropriate, you can send funny GIFS, vines, or simply find one on the internet.

Review your message.

Once you think you have made the perfect first message, review it before you hit send. Correct your typos, eliminate internet slang, and make sure you are using correct grammar. If you commit these mistakes, you just might be tagged as illiterate. Writing right is sexy and would make you more attractive.

Also, make sure it can be easily understood by the receiver. Avoid lengthy paragraphs and limit yourself to a maximum of one or two questions. Anything above that will make you seem like a talk show host who’s had too much coffee.


Crafting the perfect first message is a skill that you have to master if you want to make the most out of online dating. It is certainly challenging and even married couples who met online can attest to that. Don’t be disheartened if you don’t get a reply during the first few tries. You can always do better and try again. Just review these tips, and you will surely find a potential partner on the virtual dating arena soon enough.

So, are you ready to send your first message?