How to Stay Calm and Carry on After an Ugly Divorce

Are you just making your way out of a wringer of a divorce? Or perhaps you’re in the throes of one now?

While it might not seem like it at present, there will be a time when you can look back at your separation without it having the power to devastate. Phrases like this from well-meaning loved ones might seem trite and well-worn. Particularly if your divorce has turned ugly and despite your best efforts has not been well-behaved on either side. Emotional trauma is often a byproduct of stressful or psychologically disturbing events. If your divorce can be categorized as such, then you might be left feeling disconnected, numb, or distrustful of others. In such circumstances, you may feel tempted to beat yourself (or your ex-partner) up!However, the important thing to understand is that these feelings are natural.

Here are some things you can do to that will help you deal with the aftermath of an ugly divorce and move on with your life.

  1. Do not become a one-person army.

Are you the type of person used to handling life’s difficulties alone? You might be making it harder on yourself than you have to. Going to counseling can speed the healing process and allow you to come to terms with your past in a straightforward way.

Getting help is particularly important if children are involved. Child custody arrangement experts in Raleigh state that reaching a child custody agreement that both agree on is one of the most difficult issues you will face.

Whatever the issue, if situations are left to fester, you may later regret not dealing with it head on. Your friends and family want to help you. It is okay to rely on them. That is what a support group is for. Later on down the road, it will be your turn to support others. And at that time, you will be able to do so with grace and compassion because you have drawn from the well yourself.

  1. Cut yourself and your ex some slack.

When couples divorce, depending on who made the move to end the union, there will be hurt. And when individuals feel hurt, one’s response is often that of lashing out to distract or detract from their own pain. When your ex lashes out, or when you see yourself behaving in a less-than-acceptable manner, be compassionate. Understand that these responses, while less than savory, are common ways all humans have when dealing with emotional pain. You and your ex will likely say things you both do not mean and will want to take back. Look for less hurtful ways of dealing with your pain and guard yourself against times when your ex is able to inflict pain on you.

For women, guilt is often a common feeling after a divorce. You may feel at fault for working too much, and not devoting enough time to your marriage. Or you may feel at fault for not working enough and putting the provider’s role on your ex’s shoulders. If after careful reflection, you find yourself to blame, forgive yourself. Punishing yourself by feeling guilty helps no one. Ever.

  1. Accept that this transition period will be difficult.

Carl Jung, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, popularized the theory of acceptance being key to one’s emotional healing. The power of acceptance is famous within the AA movement, but also applicable to anyone who is looking for healing and recovery. Acceptance provides a state in your mind that allows you to move forward and put the past behind you.

To accept that divorce will be difficult allows you to make your peace with your current situation. It allows you to stop struggling and blaming others. It quiets the mind. Acceptance helps you stop blaming yourself for the past and puts you into a position to move forward.

Author’s Bio

​Judy lees is a super-connector with AYC Web Solutions who helps businesses find their audience online through outreach, partnerships, and networking. She frequently writes about the latest advancements in digital marketing and focuses her efforts on developing customized blogger outreach services plans depending on the industry and competition.