The Best Theft Proof Inventions

Two things about the UK government’s actions are giving me pause for thought this year. The first is the increased financial hardship on British subjects through lack of work coupled with the increased rate of inflation. The second is the cuts being made to our Police forces up and down the country. Put these together and the risk of crime could skyrocket. Should we no longer feel safe nipping to the shops in our trusty electric vehicles? (which we are of course all being urged to switch to now) I think that time is definitely coming and people will be looking for cars more like tanks than anything else to feel safe. Therefore, I feel I must do my civic duty and let you in on a few inventions that may help you to hang on to your hard earned cash and valuables should the unfortunate happen to you!

From padlocks to safes behind paintings there is a good range of standard ways to protect your property. The trouble is that these are so common; thieves know where to look and are usually experts in disabling them. Who keeps their money in the fridge anymore? Or under the mattress? I’ve lived in places where if you didn’t keep your belongings bolted down you wouldn’t expect to find them on your return.

I may be exaggerating slightly but this is what we had to cope with. It would be worse if you found your trusty Mitsubishi Colt like this.

The best theft proof inventions are those that are either so oddball or so time consuming to overcome that they will keep your stuff, your stuff.

Bicycle Safety

Worried about your bicycle getting stolen? Don’t want to go as far as this guy? If anything, the locks probably cost more than the bike never mind the length of time it would take you to get the bike ready for travel!

Perhaps the best way is not to safeguard the vulnerable bike but to get yourself a more theft proof bike. I’ve heard about wrapping your bike round a lamppost but this is ridiculous.

Exploding Bike Lock

Michael Lambourn developed his Smart Lock to act as a deterrent to thieves looking for an easy target. He was inspired by a report from the DETR that averred that almost two thirds of bike theft victims no longer cycle as often. The Smart Lock fastens the wheels and the frame and should a bad guy tries to cut through the device it explodes, spraying coloured dye that marks the thief and the ground. This is a field day for a forensic team and the coloured pavement alerts other cyclists to the risks. Not sure what the council’s street cleaning team would make of it though.

Bed Safe

A quick trip to the US of A sees this ingenious hidden safe well placed to store you valuables… and guns! It’s sold under the catchy name of Bed Bunker. Presumably a quality mattress is needed if you stand any chance of a good night’s sleep. Also, a good, strong floor is essential as this bed comprises 10 gauge reinforced steel weighing in at around 600kg!

Anti Theft Coffee Mug

Have you ever been victim to the office mug thief? This fiend swipes your personal, private, solely-yours mug for his own evil caffeine-fix ends. Scoundrel. The Plug Mug could be your salvation. Simply remove the plug and the little hole in its side will drench any unsuspecting mug nabber. With the handy key ring attachment you can keep the plug with you at all times at your mug is ready for use any time.

Anti Theft Wallet

From the expensive end of the market…
Not so much ‘anti-theft’ but ‘anti-remove-anything-from’; this natty little item is made by Dunhill and will set you back around £500. It is made from tough, almost unbreakable carbon fibre and features a biometric fingerprint reader to ensure only the rightful owner can gain access.

… to the more affordable end of the market.
These wallets, from Too Cool come in a variety of shocking colours and are made of an anti-slip material to ensure they can’t easily be removed from your pocket. Of course their usefulness is hampered by the fact they only have limited capacity (4 credit cards and an erm… condom pocket)


There’s nothing worse when it comes to munching your sarnies than to find the bread’s gone mouldy. Well, using a bit of clever psychology, clear plastic bags and a little design expertise and you have the mould-effect sandwich bag. It’s very effective although it would probably put me off eating anything out of it!


The Secu4 Blue Watchdog may be one of the most useful anti-theft gadgets and its sheer simplicity marks it as a worthy inclusion to this list. You set the device for a distance between one and thirty metres, drop it in your handbag, say, and if someone grabs your bag and makes a run for it, the device will emit a piercing 100dB ring once the distance from your mobile phone has been reached. That’s the last thing a bagsnatcher needs; he’s bound to be apprehended!

Well, I’m looking at getting an electric car and after seeing some of these gadgets I’ll be looking to invest in some pretty innovative car security inventions. Until then I’ll have to stick with the more usual car alarms and immobilisers. Who knows, I may even put in a GSM tracking device.