Am I The Problem In My Relationships?

Do you struggle with your relationships? This does not mean a romantic relationship. Relationships come in many ways from friendships to siblings or parent/ child relationships. If you struggle with maintaining a strong relationship, have you ever asked yourself if it is you? or them that holds the key problem to why it seems difficult?

When you are a child one of the first bonds, or relationships that you will experience is with your family. This can affect the relationships that you have later on in life. Children form what is known as an attachment style, so depending on how they see the first relationship they form, will carve out the way in which they form friendships, work relationships or see the life partner they choose.

If a child is brought up with a loving family, this makes them feel very secure as a person later on. It makes you comfortable with who you are, a confident person is more likely to feel stable and less anxious. You don’t tend to look for anybody’s approval.

When a child is not shown love in early development, it will develop into, feeling more anxious about how comfortable they are in the other aspects of their life. From school to authority figures to romance. They need to feel wanted by another person becomes more important than the need to love themselves or be comfortable with who they are as a person.

Problems that occur during your relationship

Life, in general, is about sometimes giving and some take, but when there is more giving or more taking in a friendship it becomes uneven. Things you may feel will show in the way you may handle a situation or the way you project the feelings you have onto someone else.

You have to remember, that just because you may struggle with your emotions doesn’t mean you’re your partner will. Especially if you have additional problems, like alcohol addiction that will add to how you feel.This can be seen in the way you may tackle difficult challenges that occur in life. How you handle problems can make or break a relationship bond.

Although you may not always think it the way you watched the first people in your life, it does show in how you may handle your life. Dealing with problems that are in your life is not always an easy task. The next time a problem comes up in one of your relationships, step back and think about a few important things.

Was the situation that important? How did you react to the problem that occurred?

Was the reaction you gave back to the situation justified to what happened or did you overreact?

When you have calmed down, really look at what you could have done differently

Although not every problem that may come up will be your fault, the way in which you react can change the whole situation in a matter of seconds. Just because you didn’t agree with what may have happened or been said won’t make the way you react a justified one.

Communication is very important

Communication is vital in any form of a relationship, the better you do this, the more likely your relationship will benefit. Remember to respect other peoples’ boundaries, knowing what is comfortable for both people is fundamental to a healthy relationship.

If your needs are more physical then make sure this is ok with the other party. If you like to greet someone with a hug then make sure the feeling is mutual. When a person oversteps personal space it will cause friction in more ways than one.

Personal space is just that personal. If your friend or family member leans in and hugs or kisses you, it is perfectly acceptable to communicate that you are not ok with this. Find ways to put this kindly, so they don’t have their feelings hurt, at the same time they will know this makes you uncomfortable.

Communication works both ways, so if you are on the receiving end of hearing something that is making someone uncomfortable, take note and accept what has been said and address the situation accurately. If someone has taken time to talk to you then they deserve a reply that acknowledges what they are feeling is perfectly ok.

How to maintain a friendship without overstepping the boundaries

Friendships are important to many people, however, friendships can be very complicated. Things are never easy in any relationship and friendships are no exception. Friendships have rules as well, and it is important that you have a good understanding of all of your friendships.

Respect must be shown on both sides and understanding, old friendships are easier to keep going as you will have grown to know what is acceptable and what each of you expects from each other. New friendships might be more difficult to understand so be aware that just because you think something is acceptable does not mean that the other person will.

People need space, so keep this in mind, if someone tells you they are busy then respect what has been said. Just because you may see that they are online, or you know they have plans with someone else, respect the fact they have said they are too busy to see you. There may be a good reason why they cannot see you or take your call.

People have different friends for different things, some friends might be sporty, and another may be good to go for a glass of wine with. Whatever the reason, a friend may not be able to see you is up to them so don’t crowd them this will only push them away.

Do all your relationships contain problems?

When you are looking at relationships in peoples’ lives, they all come with different problems at different times. When you look at your relationships closely if there are difficulties in all of them, then you are probably the main reason.

There may be different reasons that struggles occur for you, however, it does not mean that you can’t improve them. Look at what makes you struggle, if many of them have things in common they can be addressed.

Look at what will help. Counseling is a route people use when dealing with emotional issues, these can be linked to trust, childhood, bonding, or everyday struggles. There are many places that are accessible for people to gain help.

Counseling will help to look at early childhood or trauma that may have affected how and why problems are repeating themselves, whatever struggles that people face, does not have to be alone. A therapist or counselor will offer coping mechanisms, ways to deal with what is going on.


Struggles in relationships will always happen, it’s human nature. There are ways to help in getting the best out of your relationships, focus on the positive things, just because there are or can be a struggle, does not mean it is all bad!

Look at the negative things that are said and who by, this will help you work out if it is you that is causing the majority of issues that come up. Look at ways to improve things, starting by addressing what you want from the other person, is this realistic?

If you have emotional issues that need working on then look at what help is out there. Things can always be improved with a little guidance from some professional help, you will be shown coping strategies that will help you. If you seek help from a professional this is confidential, even if it is online or a telephone call.

Your emotions are your own and no one is responsible for your feelings, of course, people can help but it is not solely down to them. At the same time remember that a friendship or a relationship works both ways, so make sure respect is shown from both parties.