Still Waiting for Him to “Put a Ring on It?”

This article is not intend for the sweet young lady breathlessly hoping her high school sweetheart is about to pop the question. No starry-eyed innocence involved, what we’re talking about here is the harsh reality that exists for all you women who should have gotten the diamond years ago. You know who you are and exactly what I mean.

Maybe you and that wonderful man of your dreams have been living together for fifteen blasted years…um, I mean, maybe you and your boyfriend moved into together a while ago. Maybe you’ve gotten involved with the guy who still has to get his divorce finalized before he’s free to marry you, and of course he really wants to marry you as soon as possible. You could be the focused career woman who is perfectly content with your casual relationship and weekend date nights (right.) Or maybe you already have an engagement ring? The one you’ve been wearing for years, and years, and years. Look, if he’s still your fiancé after… oh, let’s say 2 years to be fair- if you’re still introducing the guy as your fiancé after all this time, do you really think you’re ever going to hear the big “I do”?

Maybe it’s time to ask yourself the big question: Do I want to marry this guy? And if the answer is yes, then: How do I make it happen?

First things first, be honest with yourself. Do you want to marry this man? Are there legitimate reasons why you’ve waited so long to tie the knot- reasons that prevent you from deep down believing that this is who you really want to spend the rest of your life with?

There are plenty of reasons to wait a while before you get married, and then those reasons are settled, resolved, completed, or expired. If there’s nothing preventing you from getting married except actually taking the step, then what’s the hold up?

Are you just stuck in a rut?

Sometimes we just become complacent. You can go along with the flow for so long that you just get carried away by the current. You always planned to be Mrs. So-and-so someday, but rent was a lot cheaper if you moved in together, and then you’re both working so much- when would you even have time for a honeymoon?… Before you even notice it, years have passed and you’ve gotten used to the way things are.

Lots of people say things like, “It’s just a piece of paper.” Or, “Marriage doesn’t change anything.” What a load of **!ɕΦ*Ѯ!* Marriage is the most important promise you ever make in your life, and don’t ever let anyone tell you marriage doesn’t matter. When you tell your mate and the entire world that the two of you are a team for life, it does matter.

Here’s a little factoid about common-law marriage:

Have you been together so long that you assume you have a common-law marriage? A lot of people mistakenly believe that if you live together seven years you are automatically married. In fact, common-law marriage is legal in only ten states and the District of Columbia. So unless you live in a common-law state, don’t assume your long-term “fiancé” is your common-law husband. (These ten states recognize common law marriage: Utah, Texas, South Carolina, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Montana, Kansas, Iowa, Colorado, and Alabama.)

So how do you approach the subject with Mr. Wonderful?

A lot of couples who’ve been together a long time have mentioned marriage at one time or another, whether as a remark in passing or even a serious discussion. “Someday we’ll get married,” or “Wouldn’t you love to go there on our honeymoon?” are both sentences commonly tossed into conversation in long term relationships.

But if you’ve been thinking that it’s past time to have taken the next step in your relationship, you might want to try having a talk with the guy. Some of you are lucky and have a man you can actually talk to about important subjects. But for the majority of us, we would rather step delicately around talk about the big M word. Don’t want to scare him off, so do you drop little hints? You could do that. Here are a few subtle clues you can use to let him know you’re thinking marriage:

  • Buy a bridal magazine and leave it lying around in plain sight. Or better yet, for those guys who take a little longer to get it, buy a subscription to a couple of bride’s magazines so he’ll start seeing them whenever he checks the mail.
  • Make more plans to socialize with your married friends, especially if any of them are newlyweds.
  • If you are at the mall or window shopping, linger at the jewelry display.
  • If you’ve ever talked about your dream honeymoon destination, or if you just have one or two great places in mind, get some brochures or email him some travel websites.

The truth is, sometimes you just have to accept that if you stay with this man, you are never going to be married. It’s a mirage, or wishful thinking, but even though you’ve bandied about the topic all these years, it’s probably never going to actually happen. This may be okay with you. You might be content with the status quo. Nothing wrong with that.

But if you hold dear the concept of a lifelong commitment and marriage is your heart’s true eventual goal, then you owe it to yourself to find out once and for all if the relationship you’re in is headed that way. And if not, you have to decide if you can live with that. All kidding and hinting aside, maybe it’s time you just asked him how he feels about taking the plunge. During some quiet moment when you have his complete attention, just get it off your chest and say,

“Sugar-lips, are we ever going to get married?”