The 12 Days of Drunk Online Shopping for Christmas

Isn’t it wonderful that we no longer have to leave our homes to shop for Christmas gifts for our favorite people? Or is it a curse? We can sit home, in front of our computers, glass of wine in hand, clothes are optional, and shop ‘til our heart’s content. However, if you’ve had more than one or two glasses of wine and are shopping online for Christmas, you might encounter a few problems. Alcohol-impaired shopping makes it so much easier to buy things you never would have bought before – for yourself or others! And it’s a surprise when the items arrive at your door , because sometimes you don’t recall ever ordering them in the first place! It’s like Christmas! When you’re drunk, shopping and money don’t seem like reality. Here are 12 things that shouldn’t ever be bought while drunk shopping.

  1. Expensive electronics. High definition TVs, computers, and video game systems are all fun items, but usually these are luxury items, not necessities. However, your alcohol-impaired self might decide hey, I actually need a new 75 inch 3-D television, who cares if it costs $5000? I deserve it! (One of the pitfalls of online drunk shopping – thinking that all of a sudden, you deserve everything!)

2. Expensive jewelry.

Diamonds, diamonds, diamonds… while you are online shopping for reasonably-priced jewelry for your mother, you just happen to notice this cool pair of sparkly diamond earrings that would look so good with your black velvet dress at this year’s Christmas party! So, you pick them up, thinking, once again, I deserve it!! I know my (husband, boyfriend, father, brother, girlfriend, etc) wouldn’t buy me something this nice, so you know what? I’m going to buy it for myself! Who cares how much it costs (until the credit card bill hits you in the face come January).

3. Anything over $100 on ebay.

Ebay can be a very dangerous place for drunk online shoppers. They sell virtually everything, some at great prices. But if you find yourself in a bidding war on the latest hot toy for your child, when you know you can buy one at the Walmart a few miles away, don’t succumb to the pressure to outbid the smart-aleck you’re bidding against who put his bid in at the last minute, just to say you won it. Believe me – don’t.

4. Alcohol.

This seems self-explanatory. When you’re shopping online and you’re already inebriated, alcohol looks so much more appealing than it would if you were sober. While shopping online for your father in law’s favorite aged scotch, don’t be tempted to buy the much more expensive, even more aged alternative. Or worse yet, don’t buy more alcohol for yourself – that’s how you got into this mess in the first place!

5.Online p*rn.

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This is wrong even when you’re not drunk, but if your inhibitions are a bit loosened by alcohol, I’m told, you’re even more likely to shell out hundreds to see some T&A. Don’t.

6. Food.

Again, this is like alcohol. When you’re hungry, everything looks good. Same thing when you’re drunk (or high, I’m told).  You’ll end up buying all kinds of exotic foods and large quantities of junk food that you really don’t need.

7. Vehicles.

Another large, expensive purchase that you shouldn’t make under the influence of any type of depressant or stimulant is any kind of vehicle. This is possible, too – you can buy cars, motorcycles, scooters, Segways, just about anything on ebay. Don’t buy something motorized while you shouldn’t legally be behind its wheel, ok?

8. Nostalgia from your childhood.

When you’re drunk, everything seems so nostalgic. Music from the 80s, your favorite movies from back then, clothing – everything. So you can really go wild if you find one of those sites that caters to these nostalgic whims. Without a filter telling you you don’t need and can’t afford all of this junk, you’re apt to buy out the site!

9. Anything on itunes.

You can go crazy on itunes, drunk or sober, but even more so drunk. How great would it be to have all of the Beatles’ albums on digital music files? How expensive would it be, your rational self asks when you’re sober? But by then it’s far too late…

10. Event tickets.

You know that you really wanted to go to that concert by (insert favorite artist here) .But you also know, when you’re sober, that the tickets are far too expensive. When you’re drunk, they don’t seem all that expensive, do they?  Front row seats? No problem. Not until you have to pay for them, that is!

11. Anything from the highend websites.

You know which ones I’m talking about –,, any of the sites your rational, sober self would never touch (well, maybe browse but never buy from). A week later, that expensive massage chair from Brookstone arrives via UPS and you think, who bought me such a nice, expensive Christmas gift? Until you read the invoice and realize, uh-oh, it was my drunk alter ego! How nice of him/her!

12. Subscription services.

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It might seem like a cool idea to purchase a subscription for a relative or friend for Christmas – but if you’re drunk,  you won’t limit your spending to a reasonable amount. Also, you might be tempted to pick the same up for yourself. Don’t!