Don’t Mistake a Mistress For a Wife, She’s a Lover

Happily ever after is the dream of every couple. When a couple gets married, they are enveloped in love and bask in the happiness of marriage. As days, months, and years pass by, gradually, the love begins to wane. The love slowly wears away as familiarity becomes the order of the day.

With familiarity comes boredom which makes several activities come from a place of routine rather than genuine feelings. Lovemaking sessions become scarce and planned, rather than frequent and spontaneous. Husband and wife are in seek of new ways to get excited as they no longer excite each other. 

As you can tell, morality is probably the only restriction keeping them from frolicking about with every source of excitement. After a while, it is definite that one or both partners want to taste of excitement outside the confines of marriage. Of course, this attempt may end up successful or in futility. The man, who naturally has a high libido, is in search of a woman that will satisfy his urges, filling in the gap for his wife. On the other hand, the woman seeks a younger man most of the time who not only satisfies her but makes her feel wanted and treats her like a queen. 

Who is a mistress?

To solve his problem, the man seeks a woman other than his wife who leads him into new streams of excitement. This woman is known as a mistress. According to the dictionary, a mistress is a woman who has a sexual relationship with a married man who isn’t his wife. 

Asides offering her male partner sex whenever it is possible, the lady enjoys wining and dining along with other benefits. In some cases, she goes on trips, gets money to shop, and enjoys lots of attention. The good thing is that she doesn’t have to stress herself out playing wife or putting up with the man’s excesses. She’s not laden with watching football or other sport matches and she maintains her freedom.

Describing the relationship

There’s no need to sugarcoat the truth, being a mistress is never acceptable morally. No matter your excuse for cheating, your partner will not take it lightly. No one wants to be cheated on, it hurts. 

A mistress is the man’s accomplice in cheating, helping him to commit his crime without hindrances. For this reason, she cannot develop any feelings as they will jeopardize his marriage. So what should the relationship be like?

An affair is nothing more than an “affair,” this is the first rule both parties must understand. It means there should be lots of fun and entertainment while satisfying the needs of both individuals. Falling in love is not an option for the man or his mistress.

It is just fun and a means of meeting the man’s needs more than his mistress’. To this end, rules have to be set and abided by.

Rules governing the affair

An affair is meant to be for fun and meeting the sexual and attention needs of the man. Because of this, certain rules must be set in place. As you can tell, these rules are not written down like a constitution or code of conduct. However, common sense leads you down this road to ensure that the man’s marriage is not hurt.

Once the mistress notices that the man is beginning to fall in love, or she is falling too, she should end the relationship. The onus of ending an affair falls on the mistress most times as she is not in search of commitment. She is only a helper, a friend in need as some people like to call it. A mistress is not obligated to remain faithful to a married man she’s having an affair with. After all, he’s not faithful to his wife and she is fully aware most of the time. 

Taking the relationship to the next level puts the man’s home at risk of collapse. If this should happen, his wife, children, and ultimately, he will suffer the brunt. By the way, it is not a wise idea for a mistress to settle with such a man that is able to lie skillfully to his partner. Here’s a simple fact, a woman who is in search of love and a life partner should not look towards a married man. 

If it ever happens, the affair must be discreet, hidden from every other person, under the radar. It is not moral in any sense of the idea so no one is allowed to know about it. If you cannot keep a secret or put your emotions in check, don’t bother being a mistress or frolicking with one. 

Establishing Boundaries

The fact that a woman is open to the idea of being a mistress doesn’t mean she is open to every kind of man. Frankly speaking, some men are insensitive and not worth the trouble. If you are already going to be a side chic, then you’d rather want to enjoy it while it lasts. This means you need to find a man that makes you feel good about yourself. The relationship cannot be toxic else there is no point starting out in the first place.

She needs a man that is great in bed and can make her laugh when they are together. A mistress doesn’t need a man to fall in love with or a man that will make her fall in love. With love comes pain, yes, most of the time it ends in pain. Why enter into a relationship that will end in pain? 

Both of you have very limited time to spend together so when you have the opportunity, make it count. Just like the mistress, the man cannot fall in love. He shouldn’t even start a relationship with a woman he can fall in love with in the first place. This is one rule that is difficult to follow considering most of the time we are driven by lust that evolves into passion.

From the onset, the mistress should let him know that all she wants is company, attention, a little of his time, and sexual satisfaction. This is not to say that the man may not get to the point of saying “I love you.” When he does, it is possible he doesn’t mean it. Should you even believe such a man who lies to his wife? He must have a habit of lying to women and the mistress should know that since he probably didn’t approach her as a married man.

Why rules should be set

Before you even begin at all, you have to set and state these rules to each other. Not as a means of being too difficult or playing “hard to get.” They are necessary to ensure that the affair runs smoothly. With these rules, the affair runs as smoothly as possible and risks are reduced to the barest minimum. You are probably wondering the man is cheating to break rules why cage him with another set of rules?

It is simple, the rules ensure that the relationship is under control. For example, one of the rules to top this list is the mistress should at no time place a call to her lover. This gives him privacy and also reduces the risk of being caught. Such calls will mostly be under duress and she losses the essence of the call. It is better that he calls when he has the time to so you both can enjoy a smooth discussion with a touch of romance. 

More rules

To be honest, there are so many rules governing this sort of relationship that it is difficult to state each one. The fact that they aren’t even written down makes it worse. But let’s share a few more rules.

The man is only one part of her life so she should keep the rest away from him as much as possible. This is a difficult call but the more about her she knows, the more likely both parties are to fall in love. She doesn’t have to give long explanations when she is not able to see him because she has no obligation to. In the same manner, when the man is encumbered with other activities and has no time to attend to her, she shouldn’t complain. After all, he’s probably cheating because his wife nags a lot, don’t make it worse.

The easiest way to ensure that your affair is kept discreet is helping him maintain his privacy. Don’t attempt to discuss his wife, it could get awkward in the end. It is wrong to try to offer marital advice or make complaints about his wife. While he may do it, he will completely resent you if you do the same.

The mistress must remember that she is a mistress, a lover, not his wife, fiancée, or best friend. This means she shouldn’t pry into his life beyond their affair, that’s all she needs to know. Except the man is willing to share some more details and this regard, she needs to know where to draw the line. 

A few guidelines to help

It is always better to end the affair when things are still good and you can look back on great memories. To do this requires maximum self-discipline. This is why it is better to have an affair with a man who is interested in keeping his home safe and his marriage stable. A man with a good home is the perfect “part-time lover” candidate.

Just so that he doesn’t even begin to consider leaving his wife for you. Let him know that if he does, you wouldn’t be there. With this, the man is focused on making you and his wife happy.

A mistress should be kind, sweet, a perfect listener, and treat each date as the first. She has to be understanding and unselfish, indulging her lover in his topics of interest. This should be easy considering she doesn’t get to see him daily and is not seeking a long term relationship.

She cannot let anyone they both know to get wind of their affair. If she is ever going to discuss their relationship, it should be with a friend they don’t share mutually. 


Most women at some point in their life entertain the idea of dating a married man. This is because it is flattering and fun and it comes with certain benefits. By the way, she gets to rebuild her self-confidence if it was ever damaged.